What IF ?


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A precious little girl walks into a petsmart shop and asks, in the sweetest
little lisp, between two

missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"



As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on
her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and
fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over
there?"



She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,
leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python
weally gives a thit."
 

All the things I learned about life are from the Easter Bunny! Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Walk softly and carry a big carrot. Everyone needs a friend who is all ears. There is no such thing as too much candy. All work and no play can make you a basket case. A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention. Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day. Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits. Some body parts should be floppy. Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans. Good things come in sugarcoated packages. The grass is always greener in someone else's basket. An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare. To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell. The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

10 Words That Don’t Exist, But Should 1.. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes. 2.. CARPERPETUATION (kar’pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance. 3.. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs. 4.. ELBONICS (el bon’iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater. 5.. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug. 6.. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side. 7.. PEPPIER (peph ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper. 8.. PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer. 9.. PUPKUS (pup’kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it. 10.. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

Do you know what would have happened if it had

been three wise women instead of men:

We would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped

deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and

brought disposable diapers as gifts.

 

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Revised: 01/11/18.