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A scary Thought for the day

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them!!!!!
 

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why
isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone
just move 10 miles away?

 

 

Skinny people bug me. Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I forget to eat."  Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

They say you shouldn't say nothing about the dead unless it's good. He's dead. Good.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she could care less.

They kept telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all
that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body,how'd you like to go to the nine o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Do it and you die."

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then marry him)

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your
neck?

The way I look at it, if the kids are still alive when my husband comes home from work, then I've done my job.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much,  smoking too much, impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day!

I know what Victoria's Secret is!
The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

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Revised: 01/11/18.