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A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, you old coot, time to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over." The old rooster says, "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and *BOOM*, he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head......... "third gay rooster I bought this month!"

Trusted Friend

Two couples were playing cards. Eric accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear!

Shocked by this, Eric hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later when Eric went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?"

Eric admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, Eric indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Eric doesn't, that Eric should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Eric went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Eric left.

Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Eric come by this afternoon?"

Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."

Next Dave asked, "Did Eric give you $100?"

Sandy thought, "Oh hell, he knows!" Reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Dave says. "Eric came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust."


     What's IT COST

   On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students,
   pointing out some of the rules:

   "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students,
   and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught
   breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

   He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second
   time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you
   a fine of $180.  Are there any questions?"

   At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:

   "How much for a season pass?"





The New Secretary


The Boss hired a new secretary.  She was young, sweet and polite.  One day, while she was taking dictation, she noticed the boss' fly was open.  When she was ready to leave the room, she courteously said, "Oh ,Sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?". At the time he did not understand that remark.  Later that day he happened to look down and noticed that his fly was open.  He decided to have some fun with his new employee.

Calling her into his office he asked her "When you saw my barracks door open   did you also see a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was witty replied, " No Sir, all I saw was a little old shriveled up soldier sitting on to old duffle bags!"


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