What if Dr. Seuss Wrote Computer Manuals?
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash
and the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your stiuation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash.
If the label on your cable on the gable at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!
God is seriously angry one
day and decides to destroy the earth and
all mankind. He claps his hands, and in a puff of sweet smelling smoke
appear Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates.
"I've had it with all of you!" God booms. "I am giving you each one
week to go back, and warn your people!" With another clap of his hands, all
three of them disappear.
Upon returning, Bill Clinton immediately calls his cabinet. "I have
some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there is a God...the
bad news is that he is going to destroy the world in one week!"
Meanwhile, in Russia, Boris Yeltsin is having a similar conference
with his ministers of state. "I have bad new and worse news" he tells them.
"First, we were wrong ... there IS a God ... and second, he is very mad,and he
is going to destroy everything in one week!"
Strutting around on stage, Bill Gates speaks to all the employees in
Redmond. WA. "I have good news, and better news!" he tells his microsmurfs.
"First, God considers me one of the three most important people on
Earth! Second, we don't have to fix any of the bugs in Windows 98!"
Signs that a Coworker is a Hacker
10. Everyone who ticks him off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
9. She's won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes 3 years running.
8. When asked for her phone number, she gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down
6. Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, ouh-pleeez!" 256 times during the movie, The Net.
4. Massive 401 k contributions made in half-cent increments.
3. His video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among
2. Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overheard, "Good Morning,
And the number one sign that your coworker is a computer hacker:
1. You hear her murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now,
You are a Computer Nerd if: