THE HORTH WHITHPERER
A Frog Goes Into a Bank 'Ms. Whack,' he says, 'I'd like to obtain a loan to buy a boat.' Patti furrows her brow and asks, 'Well, how much do you want to borrow?' '$25,000,' the frog says. The teller writes this down, then asks his name. 'My name is Kermit Jagger. I'm the son of Mick Jagger.' 'Really?' she asks, eyebrow raised. 'Yes,' he says. Then he digs into his pants pocket and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant. 'And I want to use this as collateral.' 'Ummm, okay,' Patti says, accepting the elephant. 'I'll have to ask the loan manager about this.' 'That's fine,' he says. 'He'll vouch for me.' Patti walks into the loan manager's office and explains the situation. 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $25,000 to buy a boat. He wants to use this' - she holds up the tiny pink elephant - 'as collateral. I mean, what the heck is this thing?' The loan manager says: 'It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went
by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic
was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run
over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the
sheriff's office and said, You've got to do something about all
of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those drivers."
So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.
Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said,
"You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school
crossing' sign seems to make them go faster." So, again,
the sheriff sends out the county and they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.
And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and
called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked
the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for
me to put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He
was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to
have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls
from the farmer.
Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to
call him. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put
up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since
then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the
phone. The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that
farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be
something there that WE could use to slow down drivers..."
So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw
the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in
large yellow letters were the words:
SLOW: NUDIST COLONY.
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