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Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor-Texas Style".

The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville.

They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read:

"I'm gay, I love the Dixie Chicks, Boycott Beef, I voted for Al Gore, George Strait Sucks, Hillary in 2004, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."

The first one who makes it back to Dallas alive, wins!

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were

attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student

from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from

Oklahoma.

"Elation," she said.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the

opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up' ".

 

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a rider less horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the other door and jumps onto the other horse. Just before he rode off, I yelled out, "What was all that about?" He replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."

 

New words - old song
    
     Come listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed,
     A poor college kid, barely kept his family fed,
     But then one day he was talking to a recruiter,
     Who said, "they pay big bucks if ya work on a computer..."
    
     Windows, that is... PC's... Internet...
    
     Well, the first thing ya know ol' Jed's an engineer.
     The kinfolk said "Jed, move away from here".
     They said "California is the place ya oughta be",
     So he packed up his disks and moved to Silicon Valley...
    
     Intel, that is... Pentium ... big amusement park...
    
     On his first day at work, they stuck him in a cube.
     Fed him lots of donuts and sat him at a tube.
     They said "your project's late, but we know just what to do.
     Instead of 40 hours, we'll work you 52!"
    
     OT, that is... unpaid... no personal days...
    
     The weeks rolled by and things were looking pretty bad.
     Schedules started slipping and some managers were mad.
     They called another meeting and decided on a fix.
     The answer was simple... "We'll work him 66!"
    
     Tired, that is... stressed out... no social life...
    
     Months turned to years and his hair was turning gray.
     Jed worked very hard while his life slipped away.
     Waiting to retire when he turned 64,
     Instead he got a call and escorted out the door.
    
     Laid off, that is... dowmsized... unemployed...
    
     Now the moral of the story is listen to what you're told,
     Companies will use you and discard you when you're old.
     So gather up your friends and start up your own firm,
     Beat the competition, watch the bosses squirm.
    
     Millionaires, that is... Bill Gates... Steve Jobs...
    
     Y'all come back now... ya hear'
    
Thanx to William Conway.
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Revised: 01/11/18.