Bar Talk

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bulletA man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he
noticed that the bartender was a robot.

The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man
had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered "Oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity',
'inter-stellar space travel', 'the latest medical break throughs',

The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a
different tact.

He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he
would have? "A Martini please."

Again it was superb! The robot again asked "What is your IQ sir?"

This time the man answered, "Oh about 100"

So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball
scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this week end.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a
stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"

This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".

The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,
"A-r-e......... y-o-u-r......... p-e-o-p-l-e..........
g-o-i-n-g...........t-o........ n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e...........

bulletIMPOSSIBLE WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK: Thanks, but I don't want sex. No, I don't want another drink. No thank you, I don't know how to dance. Sorry, but you're not good looking enough for me. I'm not interested in fighting you. No one wants to hear me sing. Good evening officer.




So occasionally you go to the neighborhood bar or pub and hang out.
Did you ever really think about all of the conversation going on around
you means. Here's a little piece on what people really mean.

* "I'll get this one, next one is on you."
Happy hour is about to drafts are a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.

* "I haven't seen you around here for a long time."
You stuck up little twit, too good for your old friends??

* "Hey, where is that friend of yours?"
I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your
attractive friend into a compromising position.

* "You get this one, next round is on me."
We won't be here long enough to get another round.

* "Lets get out of here."
I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that Harley guy's helmet.

* "I don't feel well, let's go home." (female)
You are paying more attention to your friends than me.

* "I don't feel well, lets go home." (male)
I'm horny.

* "What do you have on tap?"
What's cheap?

* "I've had like 10 beers already."
I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.

* "Excuse Me." (male to male)
Get the #%)* out of the way.

* "Excuse Me." (male to female)
I am going to grope you now.

* "Excuse Me." (female to male)
-Don't even think about groping me, just get the #%)* out of the way.

* "Excuse Me." (female to female)
Move your fat butt.  Who do you think you are anyway? 
You are not all that, missy, and don't think for one minute
that you are.  And Get your eyes off of my man.

* "I don't have my ID on me." (female) 
I'm 19.

* "I don't have my ID on me." (male)
I am actually 45, but the 22 year old girl I brought thinks I am 30

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Revised: 01/11/18.